I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
