I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
