I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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