I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
