Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
