i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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