Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
