Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
id be glad to
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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