i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
