I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
