my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
pop tarts are not kleenex
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
