the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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