biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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