i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
