maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
