My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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