it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
