I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
