No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
