New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
false alarm, still single
Randomize
