DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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