I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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