can we get nightvision for the apartment?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
