Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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