Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
A+ Viking dick
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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