how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
