so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
