Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
