So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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