that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
