...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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