I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
