Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she peed on how many people?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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