he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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