absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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