I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
