I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
