My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
