tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
