brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
