So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
