Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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