so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
