you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
