I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Welp...herpes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He better not be in your backpack
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
