Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
