Barsexuality is the new black.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize