hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
