just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
