wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
