sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
