3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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