I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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