Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
