I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
