i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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