hotel room ftw
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i would punch a child for taco bell
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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