Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
