I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
