Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
