Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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