Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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