It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
