listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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