Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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