MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
