Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
